keep having nightmares of myself failing Os. this is so not good

baby baby baby~

inferiority complex bttr not set in; time for a good workout!!

ps: updated alot of 2NE1 & BB songs for a good workout yo!

Dash

You don't take things seriously. But why the fuck do you have everything

bambi blythe~

Changed my header to Bambi cos she's freakin sexy

-------

God told me to be forgiving. He reminded me when I was about to type some things which are hostile. Because if He can be forgiving towards me despite the fact that I've failed him so many times, why can't I do it to others?

BITCHFACE I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHY I WAS EVER SO NICE TO YOU WHEN U HV ALL THE ATTENTION IN THE WORLD AND IM JUST ANOTHER PIECE OF GARBAGE.

#2012resolution- I will not bitch/gossip until I become skinnier.since I love bitching so much

2NE1 ft GD - I don't Care (Unplugged) Version Raggae

cos I don't care eh eh eh eh eh

Merry Christmas to CNBLUE & BOICE

thank you Yonghwa, BLESSED X'MAS!!!!!!!!

oh come let us adore Him, oh come let us adore Him, oh come let us adore Him, Christ The Lord.

totally can feel the X'mas spirit like whoo! merry x'mas eve

Nomz

00:54 and I'm still up! Waiting for my stomach to digest just now's buffet b4 headin to bed. Hopefully I'll be able to shit tmrw & hv a gd workout. Goody night 




2NE1 oh yeah!!!!!

whatz up man. so i didn't run but I did 20 mins of elliptical instead. felt that I didn't do so well in elliptical so I'm gonna train on my elliptical.

just had shabu shabu and it's SO.GOD.DAMN.GOOD but a lot if calories intake so........gonna burn it off tomorrow. &&& also, gonna go on diet tmr cos x'mas buffet @ sentosa w8in for me so yeap!!!!!!! go go go go

Oki run run run run lez go!!!!!!

Billion dollar baby by Park sisters

eh eh eh eh eh eh

ok so hi I LOVE 2NE1! kjgsdugquiohffqwmxconoruywcbascn718ryixn;KLDNJHIQH

.....dotsy so today's chores is to probably go for a good workout at the gym later or sth then head out to meet ppl for shabu shabu. no food til 6:30 pmz!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

the first time i did 3 sets of cardio, ruined by 3 subway cookies. gna go for a run @ the gym later. shall take a short nap 1st. tadddddddddz

>:(

gna go do some cardio b4 having brunch thn prep to head out to meet my friends for some k. 3 sets of cardio YES I'M MOTIVATED,

YO SUP

teoheng tmr, seoul garden on 23rd. bttr work my ass off and go on intermittent diet b4 the big day comes.

PEACE(Y)

ok so......my impression of Selena Gomez changed. total bitch for being so skinny, causing Demi Lovato to be bullied because of her being fat(which in my opinion, i don't fucking think so). This leads to Demi having ED. And selena drifted away from her? Biggest bitch plz. Just because demi was a little fatter than Selena(although demi's still skinny) and she has to take in all of you netizens' insults???? fuck you ppl. she has feelings too. not everyone is as skinny as selena ok. Does that mean all of you ppl who criticised demi have Selena's figure too? fuck off seriously.

fucking don't want to turn out like Demi and Selena. but my situation is that i hv 4 bfs who are skinny, and I'm in Demi's shoes.

awwwwwwwww

Thanks for ruining my dream. Rly appreciated it. Gna privatize my blog tmr. Havin thoughts bout deleting twitter 2. Things are just so fucked

Life is getting finer..... Work, a book in my hand, learning songs in the keyboard, running, life is just great:) gonna go for a run later then

I work so much harder than anyone else but others get more benefits than I do:(

i'm scared.............rlly scared

JAIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

With Him, anything is possible

Supposed to do bible studying tdy but there were too many ppl 'round me. So I didn't have a single chance. And the fact that I'm nt attending church means I nd to read up on God's words frequently for there is no one to preach to me. Heavenly Father may I pray to spend more time with you?

down with minor flu. Feelings kinda gettin btr. Pray more & forgive more

Hurt me with the truth,but don't come and fucking comfort me with a lie.

Tday was fuck intensive. Mum was literally a physical trainer asking me to do exercise. Swim in da morn>dojo>solo shopping>run>swim

Understatement

I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you

I almost prayed sth mean, but sth seemed to stop me. God said that I must love my brothers and sisters, friends and people around me. i should not do things that are against God's will. no matter how irritated I am or how much i hate you, I shouldn't pray for that to happen. all the more, i should pray for myself to have a bttr rs with God, to be a better Christian.

"Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God is goes with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you." Deuteronomy 31:6

4e 2ing 1 da toy

Finally got sufficient amt of $$$ to pay back the debts I owed sy!!!!!! Need not feel so f guilty anymore:))))

To do list:
1) support my parents
2) be a workaholic like my dad

Once I get my pay, I'm gna give half of it to my parents, let them use the money to get necessary stuff for my dad. I'm not going to be like others who use the money to get clothes etc. I want to thank my parents, I want to support them because they showered me with so much love. ESP my dad; he loved me so much and I'm going to repay him. Hopefully my dad recovers so that he could see my olevel results, and whatever I'm doing in life

Not enough

如果我知道这样的事会发生，我就不会把心事说出来。我宁愿一个人默默地伤心，在房里哭。因为我知道如果把话说出来，没有人能够体会我的心情，更糟的是，有些人可能会在我的背后说闲话。不是我不相信，是我没有足够的勇气。我不要在受到伤害了，我没有ok梆了

no one notices anyway. f m l

~

I pray every night bf I sleep. Can't control my tears from falling whenever I pray. Not sure whether it's heartwarming or the feeling of deconsolate

over the rainbow

today deserves a smiley. i started my day by swimming, followed by work. then I heard the sweetest thing that anyone has ever said to me. Boss told me she wanted me back next year; i was ecstatic, in fact, i was over the moon. I am determined to work harder, very determined. I'm glad i left a good impression. No one, has ever said such nice things to me. it wasn't fake, it felt all genuine. Thank you Lord, for telling me that everyone deserves a chance

thank you

can't help but cry every night before i sleep/ the only person I speak my heart out to is You. but I can't help but still continue to overthink

PRAISE THE LORD FOR MAKING TODAY BEAUTIFUL~

Now i know. tired refrains me from thinking. the only way to be tired is to work. work by exercising, work by working. i hate to be clear headed. i hate to see certain things. nv will i look back, nv will i be soft hearted again. GOD IS MY ALL, KINSHIP LETS ME BE MYSELF

Do you know how tired I am but I hold on because of you? Do you know I gave up an important part of my life because of you? Yet the treatment that I received back is......should have never gave in. I considered your feelings more than I considered my own. I've got enuf

W

My mum cried when I came home crying after prom. I learnt sth new: to just rely on myself

"你开心吗?" I came home w this sentence prompted to me after prom. NO. 我跟本就不开心。

it's not the size that matters. if i have that mentality, society would probably wipe me out already

since nobody gives a shit, i should probably be more self-centred. it's not worth it to give up my own dream to accommodate others. Live for myself, right?

shall go for a run tomorrow since tmrw is off day heheheheheheheheheh

So irritz tumblr app forever crashing

proud mama

v satisfied with myself because i ran a full 4km today. 100000000 smileys rewarded!

got it

nobody gives a fuck anyway. so just do it yourself

Fresh

i fucking hate myself. I'm hideous. sudden urge to cry when i touched my own stomach and felt my thighs got closer. I got fatter. reality check Linda- the consequence of not exercising faithfully these few days. Gonna go for 4km run tomorrow. F IT

fucking enough fucking enough.

Gna go for a run later in the morn, time to sleep.

love

a cinderella story never gets old.

魅力

Hello everybody the end is nearing!!!!! I nd to sleep so that I'll have the energy to last my brains for an hr then I'll probably head to the library to do chem or sth. Life's getting exciting

Till the v end

Done w geog revision. Hopefully everything's in my head!!!!!! Another brand new day: may the Lord bring ne through this day smoothly

hate to be so obsessed, so damn obsessed with you

Linda lim please get your head into studying!!!!!!

**sidenote: Thank God for helping me to past the day. So lost, so forlorn

It is You

Thank God. Praise God. Love God.

Gettn my life back soon! Exercise/sleep/work hell yes. I shld keep my mind clear *positive light positive light*

i need. i want. i have to.

JS - O Come All Ye Faithful (Acapella)

Tired of doing things alone.

gna take some time off today just to exercise

Nvr

If you are good looking, appreciate what you have. Just keep those comments to yourself. Don't post on twitter/Facebook/tumblr. It Hurts if you criticize someone regarding their appearance. It lowers their self esteem. It makes them cry every fucking single day. I've had enough. Fukitol.

Lethal promises

Last night was comforting. I came across tumblrs of obese girls that encounter the same problems as yours truly. I am not the only one suffering. CHIN UP!!!!

idol number 78364891

Sy showed me a post today regarding some girl. Made me feel so inferior, do upset, so depressed. Society really looks up to one's appearance. Sigh......

self reflection 2

probably I'm meant to just go along with people, even if I'm unwilling to do so. I never seemed to have the freedom to do what I want, people to meet my needs. Nah, I guess I've been meeting too much of people's needs that I feel that I'm neglecting my own well-being at times. I'm over conscious. I'm never able to speak my mind out. Probably because I'm in the abysmal of life. Guess I'm never able to take the lead.

I'm afraid people will change their opinions of me once I do certain things. I don't say certain things because I'm afraid of judgement. I've been criticized since primary school. Probably got used to certain terms. things got worst in secondary school; I even know of some people teasing me behind my backs. Either way, teasing me in front of me/people or teasing me behind my back hurts. That's why I have to stop all these from happening- by changing my own appearance. I'm not exactly that smart too, so basically, I have no plus points. I'm like dirtbag. I'm better off chucked aside.

I feel like a substitute everywhere. I don't have a place anywhere. society is cruel. breaking down doesn't make me any better.

I don't know what's driving me to the corner of the room but I'm feeling this way right now.

Too much math. Taking a break.
Can't believe this world is so mother fucking judgmental. Guess being fat/ugly is wrong. The only way to survive in this world is to be pretty/skinny. Fucking hate it when people discriminate fat/ugly people. Fuxking despise these type of people. Nobody really understand the sorrows of someone fat/ugly. It's really tormenting. Let me overcome this obstacle by myself. Because, no one truly cares for your welfare. Everyone is individualistic. I really feel for those who are in the same shoes as me. People who tease fat people deserve to die. People who discriminate fat people deserve to burn in hell. Fat people are humans too, we have feelings too.

[Eng/Rom] 2PM- Tired of Waiting (기다리다 지친다) Live

Gidaridaga jinchinda
you know neon neon naemamani oooOooO

check out the fucking sexy wave @ 2:27!!!!! Love their ripped jeans makes them so fucking sexy.

fucking never good enough.

going for a run nowwwwwwwww fat fat fat plox burn away~ since it's raining I shall head to the gym.

ps: many a times i want to post on twitter that I'm going to run like the others but I'm afraid of the judgement passed. It's like well because i'm fat so people might say things behind my back. that's why I only dare to say it here- one of my comfort zones

I look fatter in the 1st and last this shows I gained weight within these few days FUGGGGGGGGGGGGG

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Goodbye baby goodbye

02:22
Getting fatter cos haven't been doing intensive workout for the past few days!!!!!! Must.go.on.a.diet
Im lazier already, wasn't as intensive as when I first started. Water/fruits until school reopens:)))))))

kindergarten friendsssssssssss~

NGOV YOU BETTER WATCH OUT YOU FUCKING STARTED THIS WHOLE THING.

IF YOU HAD NOT STARTED WITH MY BRO, I WOULDN'T FIND OUT A SHIT. IF I HADN;T FOUND OUT A SHIT, I WOULD'NT TELL MY BFFS. DEPI WOULDN'T KNOW TOO. I WOULDN'T HAVE A CONFLICT WITH MY BRO, SY WOULDN'T HAVE STRAINED R/S WITH SY. THE FUCK ENOUGH IS ENOUGH CAN'T STAND YOUR BLOODY FUCKED UP FACE AT MY HOUSE. YOU ARE THE CAUSE OF THE WHOLE PROBLEM YOU BITCHFACE

run run run run run run that's the way man. fucking fat already plox.

RUN---->BATHE--->AMATH--->PHYSICS LET'S GO

ANOTHER PRETTY FACE

DAMN HER NAME'S GLORIA CHENG

JUST BACK FROM MY RUN AND A TALK WITH SY. TIME TO SHOWER POWER!!!!!!!!!!!

1st present i'll reward myself with when I reach goal weight:)

Off for a run in awhile! bye~

Off for a refreshing long run!

Forever is fine

Don't abuse your "authority" just because you've got the looks ok. I despise people like you. Don't have this mentality that you can attract all the guys in the world just because you're pretty. Yes I agree that you are beautiful but your inner self just disgusts me.

Angsty tonight.

i want this to be my iTouch wallpaper. Girl on the right is so pretty! MOTIVATION

damn lazy to go work out today. work out>>dinner>study

Workout: run 7 rounds, 20 sit ups/crunches/half sit ups/knee forward backward/bicycle crunches, 26 leg lifts

What I did today. Training hasn't been intensive. Need to get back on track!!!!!

Neverland

00:26 in the morning and I'm still awake. There's still school tomorrow. Good thing it's last day of school for me.

In this world, not everyone is born to be lucky.

Hate the fact that some people just like to intrude into other people's privacy kinda thing. It really gets on my nerves and it's not like you know the person right? So just stay out of it

Too used to be alone this year. Too many unexpected events happening. Wonder when will things turn better

Good thing work starts in late November. Need to plan time alreadyyyyyyyyy



You will be my one and only one. Since I've set my eyes on you, you will be the only person I will see in. Even if it takes me to be single forever, it's worthwhile. Because I want nobody, but you.

Reduced to this state. No more home for me to rest in. Probably a nomad my whole life.

Another new day! Gonna go for a morning run later.

Don't feel like going for prom. I don't want to go for prom. End

Maybe we were never meant to be.

I'm going crazy because of you

Punishing myself every single min until o's end.



sudden deconsolation rushing through me.

feeling like that almost every single day because of my body. green with envy when I see how skinny my friends are. wish I were at least 1% near 'em.

they're all so lucky; being able to eat without worrying about gaining weight and able to binge whenever they want. it's so easy for 'em to lose weight. could see a distinct weight loss in SY when she skipped recess for a period of time.

sucks to be me. have to give school food a miss, bring my own lunchbox, be deprived of junk food etc. the road is tough. I miss binging, I miss chocolates, I miss sweets. it's almost 3 weeks. I have to exercise hard- when i come back from school and before I sleep. but so far, i only lose 2kilos. sometimes I want to give up but no, because of the online tumblrs that gave me motivation. the road is long. got to keep up with a smile every day. I promise myself to be strong, to not shed a tear, even if i feel like breaking down, hold back your tears. don't let people worry about you, don't let people look down on you.

i really want to share my problems/woes with people sometimes, but I guess I'm just not good with words. i don't know how to express how I feel, cos i think the whole atmosphere will be awkward. I don't want to be a party pooper. so probably that's why i choose to bottle things up/write it on my blog.

i have a lot of fears. probably putting up a strong front won't show it, or compromising will be a better idea. rather suffer in silence than let your fear overwhelm you right?

a lot of things running through my mind tonight. low self esteem, low confidence, low everything. hate to be sad and in a pensive mood every day. I've stopped smiling for a long time already

i,m seriously going to prove the world wrong.

i may be too demanding but i want to be fitter than Olivia. i remember her saying sth like i have a screwed up face, and indirectly calling me fat(because i called her short k my fault). But the first was really bad. it's still etched in my mind.

maybe i was not of much importance

You say good morning, when it'd midnight

Just done with work. Goddamn unproductive only did math paper. Gonna wake up at 4 later to do some studying.

How I wish there was more time for me to study. Most of my time are taken up to exercise; come home exercise, before I sleep exercise. I can't stop exercising at this juncture. I will gain those numbers back, and that sucks

those times.....when i was called fat. they will never be forgotten. It will be the reason that will constantly remind me to fight back.

times when bok called me fat, times when Cd said i "add oil", times when mum called me names, times when Mrs Koh said i gained weight, times when Mdm Mariam said I gained weight, times when my brothers call me names, times when my brothers embarrassed me in the bus, times when some people teased me behind their backs, times when my relatives discriminated me, times when relatives held a discussion about my weight gain, times when mum embarrassed me in public,, and the list goes on and on. i shall break through. No, I WILL BREAK THROUGH.

I vow not to be bullied anymore. enough means enough. sick of having to suffer in silence, sick of hearing people saying I become chubbier.

01:36 and I'm still awake. Did a lot of work. Guess my life's gonna be like that for bout 3 weeks from tmr onwards.

Update:
Circuit, cardio, stomach exercises, 90 sit ups

Think I reach plateau.......oh man!
I probably think too much

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Many ifs

The journey is going to be long and tough. I want my hard work to pay off. My wish for 2012 is simple: to hear people say that I have lost weight. I hate to be fat. Being fat sucks. The many ordeals that i had to go through was unbearable. I don't want to suffer anymore.

<3

Apple a day gets your metabolism higher each day:-) grab an apple now!

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I've come to the conclusion that I can't stay at home during weekends. I'm like forever eating. Need to go somewhere to study!!!!!!

Need to do a lot of running later. Shall do circuit too. All thanks to pig-out weekend

Swear I hate chem. Specifically, organic chem. K I should move on to physics stupid chem.

Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Whyyyyyyyy I just don't get it

wasted time.

MOS alone, walked around parkway alone, popular alone. tried to find a base in library to study but it was occupied everywhere. headed home in the end.

Lone makes me so pressured

#swag

i miss you so much and my heart, heart, heart is so jet lagged

#nowplaying

just for you

in the world, there may be really skinny people till the extent that there seems to be only skins and bones left of them. however, the real people the inspired me to really lose weight is probably my friends.Taralynn may be my idol(for now), but the idol that i really ship is truly my friends.

hey three of you better read this.

let's start from the oldest:

Vanessa is really one girl that guys really die hard for. her golden tan- WOW. Just right. she has no pimples and she maintains her hair really really well. What's more, she is a hairdresser to-be. She is innovative in the way she ties her hair- I rmb vividly that she tied a her hair in the letters 'TK' for our '08 zone finals. how creative. she is also the representative of muscular woman- all rounded in sports. which sporty guy wouldn't want her? she is really near perfect-1

Huiyu! really cute girl with pretty heart. she has nice skin tone(really fair!) and she has no pimples too! even if she has, it's not obvious at all! I've seen her in a dress before and yup! she is stunning in them. if she wears dresses more, I can assure that guys like yuqiang ammar and all will fall for her. she has beautiful eyes! and her eyelashes are long! and she's skinny too! i really love her overall. plus, she has a big heart and she can really tolerate. i love both her inner and outer self. FUCKING CUTE AND PRETTY. (ps: she has sexy legs)

Next up, Wenna. her height is what I yearn for! nice height there girl! she is very concerned about her hair, and she takes really good care about her outer image. she will not leave the place with her hair all over the place, with her not properly dressed. She also have no pimples!!!!!!!!! What's more, she has nice skin tone too! whenever we perspire, hair face will turn pink and she doesn't get black and all! Her legs are long too. She looks really good in jeans because of that trait of hers. She's skinny as well. to value add, she is really generous and a great friend.

And the best for the last, Swieyang. fucking shit this girl is...........stunning. every guy's dream girl. she never fails to capture every guy's heart. Nice cheekbones, and her face is really cute. Her skin tone is tan too but black woman are usually the sexiest right? she maintains her hair well too and YUP! She has really petruding collar bone! Not lying! (You should wear more sleeveless you know). another case of no pimples. her legs are beautiful!!!!!!!!!!!!! muscular and skinny. apart from looking good, she has the character of a japanese girl(shy shy) but she can also go crazy like a psychopath(exaggeration). really beautiful heart too.

all of them are my closest friends, ever. they are what you call thin. the healthy thin. they are truly the prettiest people I've ever seen. i want to be at least 1% near them. my true role models

Just a random picture update cos my blog is too wordy

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Piu!

Quite pissed about the fact that so many people have twitter. And what's more, they act like they have twitter for the longest time. Probably they just want to be known? So much for not having twitter----->goes to V A C ya these are the few can think of rn.

Undressedskeleton.tumblr.com my motivation!!!!!!

I AM RAGING. YOU ALL SHOULD JUST STOP BEING JEALOUS OF EACH OTHER. You want to achieve as much as the other party then go work and work for it. DON'T GO AROUND SUANING THE PERSON. it's getting irritating. Can't believe I'm saying this but SUCK IT UP

My life for the next 1 month or so:
1.Study 2.exercise 3.E.U


Thank you and sorry and I love you all sy hy w

Ew I failed English. Stupid my mum is so gonna pick on me again. So hungry

Update: run, steps x20 (2 sets), 200 skips


Maybe it's really my destiny. Nobody to really lean on. But there's still friends right? Oh what I'd do without them. Most impt people in my whole fucking entire life. However, I don't seem to fit in. How impeccable all four of them are: pretty, tall, nice hair, beautiful skin tone. Every guy's dream girl! Im the only odd one out there. It's really mismatched: 4 pretty girls, then there is one fat, ugly and with pimples all over. Then people would be like," what the fuck is this girl doing with this cool clan?" Then I would receive all the awkward stares. I really don't fit it, but God gave me such beautiful friends. So caring that they don't judge me and treating me like one of them! God how should I repay you for all these incentives? It takes years for me to pay you back. I really love my friends, more than anything in this world, more than myself. Speaking of myself, what is there to love? You're just a tard, stupid, ugly and fat. Face it.

You actually don't deserve them a single bit. You're just lucky. You shouldn't have a single friend at all. Because you are detested, by reality, by truth, by everything.

quick update before going to run.

day was good, bitter at the start, gradually became sweet. many thoughts running through my mind throughout the day. can't stop thinking.

there goes my brother. blaming me for causing him to fall sick. what the fuck did I do? just because i did not oscillate the fun, so you blame me for your illness? what logic is this? and you shouted at me? in front of......aunt marianne dad and mum? do you know how embarrassing the whole situation was? do you know what is respect? mfballs.

more salt was added to the wound. it's getting much more painful. even worst than before.

wtv. shall go run it out.

#nowplaying dj got us falling in love again

Can't believe someone came over to ask me whether I'm facing any problems in my life LOL. yes I am but are you even able to help?

Shall go for a long run today. Very stressed. I want to spill out everything to people but.....nah shan't trouble anyone bout my own problems. It's too much of a burden

When will my mum stop scolding me? I'm really very very sick and tired of her shit already. If not for my friends, i don't know how I can continue to live. She's my mum, yet my worst enemy. Because of you, my whole mood is ruined every single day. Without fail. I cant say I hate you right. What's more, you're still my mum. If only dad was well.......

My whole body's aching really badly.

Wrote a long chunk of words, then backspacing whatever I wrote. It's that hard to express how/what I'm feeling. Amalgam of emotions.

It's 00:21, Tuesday and I can't sleep. Usual routine

a whole lot of things to do tonight, guess no sleep for me!

i cried hard. very very very hard

self reflection

there's something that's been bugging for almost 4 years- my weight. although I'm in netball and yes, it does help one to maintain one's figure and all, but it's different for me. ever since I entered into secondary school, trng wasn't as intensive, and i started to put on weight. I knew it, but i refused to face the problem and work out a solution for it. Hence, I "ran" away from reality and continued to binge and all. Things started to change....

Love handles. The worst thing a girl could ever have. It makes one look so bad, so ugly, and you can't put on any clothes. You look atrocious in anything. Since then, I started wearing baggy clothes so that I'll feel better and they will not be so obvious. However, things really got worse.

Mum started scolding me. she can link from one thing to my pimples, then to my body. Like she would go," hey you fatty!" and etc. I didn't take it to heart back then. As years passed, my aunties and uncles did the same thing too. And they didn't like the sight of me. They discriminated me; what's more, I was considered one of the dumber girls in the family. I gradually became more introvert and low self-esteem started kicking in. This then became a habit. Whenever one talked about looks, I would feel so ashamed of myself, sometimes even pondering, "maybe i had committed a grave sin in the past, God is punishing me."

As I grew older, my self esteem is at the bottom of the sea. I may seem loud and all, but deep inside, I was really afraid. Really afraid about what others think of me. I was really the epitome of imperfection: Pimples since young and I was fat. I even had skin problems. Compared to my friends, I was really "outstanding" because of how I looked. I felt inferior; my clique( swieyang huiyu vanessa wenna) were all perfect people. I sometimes even wished for their looks. They are all so pretty! i thought nothing could be done. what's more, insults of me were getting more frequent. I cried almost every day in my sleep. My brothers were also bullies. Just because I'm fat and pimply, doesn't mean they can order me around and scold me. I had never rebutted. probably because of my low confidence, what's more, their personal attacks never fail to win me.

there was no one whom I can seek comfort to. i never told my friends because it was embarrassing and it was pretty personal. My mum would just scold me, my brothers do not give a damn about me. my dad was probably the only person I could talk to. However, an something depressing took place and i can't talk to him anymore. There is really no one. I was all alone. all i could do was to cry.

I tried dieting and exercising and all for a few times but my determination was short. i gained those pounds back and lead the unhealthy lifestyle. all thanks to my church people. i thought I could never get my confidence back, i would always have low self esteem, teased forever, no job, scolding from my mum every single day. this is my destiny.

Then one day, I chanced upon a blog. It showed how much a fat girl had lost so much weight, from a really really fat girl to a girl as skinny as venus I must say. she really inspired me. I thought, "if she could do it, why can't i?"

from that day on, i decided I had to work. it had been working till present.

the reason why I want to lose weight is because of my mum, for my self esteem, self confidence, and most imptly, to not be teased. Some people may be teasing me behind their backs but let me ask you: if you are in a fat girl's shoes, how would you feel? won't you feel hurt because someone is discriminating you despite the fact that you had not done anything to them? I felt it. I know there are people doing that to me, i've seen/heard it myself. I don't want to cry myself to SLEEP anymore. I want to be like my friends: skinny, pretty. i don't want to be getting scolding from my mum/brothers anymore becaus ei really had enough. most imptly. i want to get a good job. Looks define what kind of jobs you will do in the future.

really a good self reflection. I really mustered up alot of courage to post this up. really, i want to change. this is something i've been keeping in my heart for quite a while already.

A part of me

Every night, I would update what I eat on my iTouch while listening to my playlist. after that, I would lie on my bed to play Unblock with my music on until I feel sleepy. Guess a new habit nurtured!

Bad day turn good

bad day:( went swimming. Doubt I burnt alot of calories from the workout. Do not be demoralised, keep on going!

P/s: great burn! It's so good until my toe cramp.

Pilates seem fun!

Nat Ho exudes so much charisma. i can't even........

satisfied

did circuit training today and it wasn't as tiring as the first time i tried(gave up halfway-.-) intensive workout I must say.

In need of a jogging partner! should ask my preddy friends to run with me. anyway, there is still a list of exercises undone!

1. 99 crunches
2. 4minute fast workout

okay maybe not a list :/ so proud of myself because I only ate one third of my dinner! and my mom told me i had shed away some fats! wow I'm so not going back to the old me.

Progress

99 crunches today! And my calves are aching so should I....go for a run/swim?

Have been eating like nobody's business these few days. I better stop this before school re opens like seriously? Taralynn taralynn taralynn taralynn taralynn taralynn taralynn

this world is really divided- accepted and non-accepted. I belong to the 2nd

things i want

• A thigh gap
• A gap between my stomach and pants because my hip bones stick out
• To be able to lean over without my fat belly spilling out of my shirt
• To be able to sit down without having my thighs expand so much
• No arm jiggle
• Visible cheekbones
• No more double chin when I look down

once i get what i want i'm going to reward myself with naval piercing.

Thighs are quite sore!

p/s: i motivate myself by looking at thinspo blogs every single day.It really keeps me moving but........I ATE ALOT TODAY so I'm feeling like shit now.

#(updated) hell yeah did exercises to tone my thighs and I'm perspiring!!!!!!!!! starting to love the feeling of me perspiring~ makes me feel so accomplished:)

skipped for 15 mins. my first! now for some rest and enjoyment before i go for the power walk to sy's house.

#nowplaying forever young-One Direction

what a great start to my day!

in need for a shirt which motivates me while i work out

What i'm learning

i want mine to be a success story. i've seen millions of them but nothing is happening to me. I really want to change, i don't want to live in the dark anymore. i want to fit in like everyone. I don't want to live in others' shadow anymore, because enough is enough.

impeccable

Instead of just saying how you wish you have all those traits, why not work and earn it yourself? Prove to everyone that you can do it too. nothing is totally impossible, right?

i ate so much today! fitness, bittergourd, pancake, jelly. so angry with myself oh holy mother

20-30 minutes of running is not enough. I need to increase!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

00:49

shall go sleep now lest I gain weight bye~

I'm glad I'm starting to lead a healthier lifestyle; running, perspiring instead of going the easy(?) way out like dieting or so. Yes, I may be eating lesser than usual but I'm not dieting at all. Really glad this kind of thing is happening to me because I feel fitter and I don't resort to eating anymore whenever I'm stressed! I cannot emphasize enough how much I love this change in me:) with perseverance, I believe I will break through. Go Linda, everything will be worth it

Self reflection

I'm really happy today

People only care what's on the surface and not what is deep within.

i feel a sense of achievement today!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

did 20 min run, weights, crunches and gonna do some intensive later before i go to bed! Good Job Linda 2kg is so goddamn possible!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I swear I will never shed a single tear in front of others again. I will be strong and independant.

Why can some people receive high class treatment while some get treated like they are non-existent? I.will.change

// I have no rights to comment on others because I'm not perfect. Conversely, I'm the epitome of imperfection. I should totally shut the fuck up

why?

This world is so judgemental. once you do not have the first impression you're out of the game.

#nowplaying What makes you beautiful- one direction

today I did:

22 mins intensive

weights

52 crunches

still have got 26 leg lifts/52 more crunches to go!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

shit i need to burn extra 150 cals later because i ate an energy bar..........GODDAMN IT

glad that I left twitter:)))))))))))) promised not to go back there until I get things done.

I want to find a new me. i don't want to be stuck like this forever. everyone deserves to be pretty, everyone deserves to be skinny.

newest idol

Sorry that I loved you-Anthony Neely

Day 3 of food journal bur I don't see progress;( maybe a teeny weeny bit.....persevere!!!!!

fuck

swear I'm not gonna tweet anymore

My mum's my worst enemy. Once I get a fucking job and am able to fend for myself I'm going to just take care of my dad I don't give a fuck whether you live or you die. Go depend on your two lovely sons who are able to make you so damn proud. I'm nothing in your eyes I'll never forgive you for giving me such a fucked up life

I want to be a plastic surgeon. I want to lend a helping hand to girls who are not considered impeccable as I do not want them to be insecured about their body, having their body to be their burden and being mocked at by people regarding issues like this. NO GIRL SHALL TOLERATE THIS NONSENSE. I will prove to the world that perfection is possible.

Conversely, I will destroy girls who think they're not perfect enough but in truth already are. THOSE BITCHES SHALL PERISH IN MY HANDS. Because all you pretty perfects live in such a delicate life that you all have never actually understood the pain and sufferings that the people on the dark side have to tolerate. You guys really have to get a taste of how WE had lived our lives.