self reflection 2

probably I'm meant to just go along with people, even if I'm unwilling to do so. I never seemed to have the freedom to do what I want, people to meet my needs. Nah, I guess I've been meeting too much of people's needs that I feel that I'm neglecting my own well-being at times. I'm over conscious. I'm never able to speak my mind out. Probably because I'm in the abysmal of life. Guess I'm never able to take the lead.

I'm afraid people will change their opinions of me once I do certain things. I don't say certain things because I'm afraid of judgement. I've been criticized since primary school. Probably got used to certain terms. things got worst in secondary school; I even know of some people teasing me behind my backs. Either way, teasing me in front of me/people or teasing me behind my back hurts. That's why I have to stop all these from happening- by changing my own appearance. I'm not exactly that smart too, so basically, I have no plus points. I'm like dirtbag. I'm better off chucked aside.

I feel like a substitute everywhere. I don't have a place anywhere. society is cruel. breaking down doesn't make me any better.